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Bad Ideas #19: “Leaked” Doctor Who Episodes

Doctor_Who_July_2014Sure, this is a bit more niche than usual, but so are many of the other Bad Ideas. Anyways, I came upon some… uh… leaked information about the upcoming 9th season, presumably starring Peter Capaldi and not a doppleganger or clone or android or CGI representation. I assure you these are not just made up – a great deal of thought and effort must’ve went into these episodes.

180-A*. The Doctor faces off against a monster that devours the concept of hygiene; can he defeat it before Clara abandons him for smelling bad?

“What? No! A sonic screwdriver doesn’t have a ‘shower’ setting!”

181. The Daleks try to take over the Earth through vaudeville.

Featuring selections from “I’m Just Wild About Skaros”, and the comedy stylings of Sec, Thay, Jast, and Khan.

182. Russell T. Davies tries to destroy the Doctor Who omniverse, and the only way to stop it is for Clara to bake the perfect souffle.

When five-ish doctors aren’t enough, try a cook!

183. The Doctor becomes obsessed with the grand strategy games of Paradox Development Studio.

“How could one game contain so much potential for malice, hatred, and regicide?” “Was it developed by Silurians?” “No, you fool! Silurians have a penalty to intrigue!”

184. A company from the alternate universe introduced in Season 2 introduces Cyberman easter bunnies in both normal and white chocolate. Only $9.99!

UPGRADING TO GOOD FRIDAY IS COMPULSORY.

185. The Doctor vs Steve Balmer

What happens when you try to upgrade your TARDIS from Windows XP?

186. Davros baked some cookies. They’re dalektable!
Suggested by the owner of the Nullsphere.

187. The Doctor helps a Falapazaxaganican mow his lawn until he learns the grass is not only sentient, but the only nukeball team in the universe capable of defending Falapazaxaganicus Prime from the Judoon. This is a two part episode.

“You do realize that whether or not you win or lose, much of your planet will likely be ravaged, right?” “So po flo bo kno!”

188. A “bottle” episode where the Doctor prepares his lunch.

The Doctor just ran out of Time Lord tumeric, and the preparation methods have been lost to… well… the Time War. Will he have to use inferior Sontaran tumeric, which is like a war with your taste buds?

189. A semi-sequel to The Doctor vs Steve Balmer, where the Doctor tries to figure out why the Xbox One is popping up on every inhabitant planet in the space-time continuum.

“Look, Danny, I know you wanted to play the latest football title, but pretty much every alien within ten million light years prefers cricket.”

190. In the two-part season finale, rabid fans of earlier seasons try to rewrite the Doctor Who universe to their own specifications and accidentally turn it into the “perfect” souffle Clara baked earlier in the season.

He wanted Paul McGann to return to Doctor Who so badly, that he wrote a fan script and submitted it to the BBC. Moffat, in all his wisdom and folly, decided to film it. Little did they know that Paul McGann was the one who set it all in action…

Overall, I expect the upcoming season to maintain the same standards for scientific rigor and thought provoking commentary that previous seasons of the revived series have established. Maybe this season will see the return of the much-beloved Abzorbaloff?

*I goofed and accidentally made up 11 plots for this installment. Instead of deleting one, you get a freebie.
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