Home > Bad Ideas, Humor > Bad Ideas Gaiden – Everything Is Pants

Bad Ideas Gaiden – Everything Is Pants

Anyone ever read that snowclone meme thing where concepts are described in terms of cows? It’s nothing famous, but the same general idea has occurred here. These were all spouted out (with a few exceptions) in the course of about half an hour by me, and two friends. The first started a blog, but never ended up writing on it. The second is another ZDoomer (Not ‘GrandDracolich’); check out his web presence here.

I may occasionally update this with further examples.

Economics and Politics
CONSUMERISM: “Time to buy some pants.”
INDUSTRIALISM: “Time to make lots of pants.”
CAPITALISM: “Time to not make pants.”
FASCISM: “Time for you to wear our pants .”
SOCIALISM: “Time to make sure everyone’s wearing pants.”
COMMUNISM: “Time to share the pants.”
DECENTRALIZATION: “So we all made pants?”
MARGINALISM: “I only need one leg of pants.”
AUSTRIAN PERSPECTIVE: “We can’t say everyone’s wearing pants if everyone seems to be wearing pants.”
KEYNESIANS: “If someone’s not wearing pants, we buy them more!”

Philosophy
NATIONALISM: “PANTS! EFF YEAH!”
EXISTENTIALISM: “Time to get in some pants.”
FEMINISM: “What if we want to wear skirts instead?”
POSTMODERNISM: “Pants?”
OPTIMISM: “The pants are half full.”
MORAL RELATIVISM: “Define pants.”

The Sciences
THEORETICAL PHYSICS: “Time to make people not understand pants.”
BIOLOGY: “Time to grow some pants.”
CHEMISTRY: “Time to test that these are pants.”
GENETIC ENGINEERING: “Time to grow some better pants.”
COMPUTER SCIENCE: “#define pants”
MATHEMATICS: “Time to wear pants. I am wearing pants. Q.E.D.”

Artistry
MEDIEVALISM: “If you do not wear pants, you will burn in hell.”
SURREALISM: “My pants are melting! It must be time to overthrow the proletariat again.”
NATURALISM: “I’m not wearing any pants.”
ABSTRACT IMPRESSIONISM: “Time is pants.”
STUCKISM: “Are these a genuine Emin pair of trousers ($10,000), or a worthless fake?”
ALPHABETISM: “ANPST”

Not Recommended
SEXISM: “Women look terrible in pants.”
ANTISEMITISM: “Jewish pants are terrible.”
ANTICONFORMISM: “Shirt.”
HEDONISM: “I LOVE HOW PANTS FEEL ON MY LEGS! RARGH!”
HOMEOPATHY: “Do you have these pants in a smaller size?”

Religion
ATHEISM: “We define our own pants.”
AGNOSTICISM #1: “I’m not sure I’m wearing pants.”
AGNOSTICISM #2: “Am I wearing pants, or just underpants?”
BUDDHISM: “When you die, you shall become pants.”
SHINTOISM: “Everything is pants.”
JUDAISM: “Nobody likes our pants, even though they’re the one true pants.”
CHRISTIANITY: “Our savior wore these pants for your sins.”
CONFUCIANISM: “Respect pants.”

Pop Culture
STAR TREK: “To boldly wear pants that no man has worn before!”
STAR TREK – THE NEXT GENERATION: See Star Trek, but with spandex instead of velour.
DEATH METAL: “DEAD! YOUR PANTS ARE DEAD! FOOLS, YOUR PANTS ARE DEAD!”
MAGMA: “♫Da Pants Ẁortz Mëkanïk♫”
FEAR FACTOR: “Eat my pants.”
COMEDY: “My dog has lots of pants!”
DISCO: “Everyone on the pants floor!”
DRAMA: “This man’s pants are fraying!”
POKEMON: “Hi! I like shorts! They’re comfortable and easy to wear!”

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