Home > Bad Ideas, Humor, Pickup Lines That (Probably) Won't Work > Guest post: “Pickup Lines That (Probably) Won’t Work”

Guest post: “Pickup Lines That (Probably) Won’t Work”

As another part of my attempts to get my friends writing and overall participating in internet culture, I convinced one to produce this listing of ways to fail at dating. On the internet, he generally goes by some permutation of ‘GrandDracolich‘, but recent studies indicate his first name is Matthew. I was shocked too. Enjoy (?).

1. My t-cell count is abnormally low. Would you happen to have anything to do with that?

2. The voices in my head think you’re pretty.

3. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

4. Would you happen to know any good pickup lines I could use on you?
Sure, there’s this list I found on the internet. Why don’t you try it?

5. If you’re still alive after eight hours, you’ll regret it in the morning.

6. Hey baby, I have a new medication.
7. I’m nearly lice-free.
Does this have something to do with your new medication?
8. My ex-girlfriend’s out of town, so we have her place for free.
9. Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause MY GAWD your accent is annoying!
10. Is it hot in here, or is there a dead rat in the air conditioner?
“Oh wait! It’s just me.”

I’ve been informed that he has a great deal more of these.

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